this girl and her friend just showed up at my house. standing together, theylook exactly like the number 10. this has cockblock written alllllll over it.
ppl dont tell me stories about anal. apparently im not a tell-me-stories-about-anal kind of person
Haha, just learned changing others iPhone passcodes is fun while drunk but not fun the next morning.
he burped in my vagina and tried to deny it...
She said she was an education major and you replied with "oh I'm taking a semester off too". And we never saw her again...
He's spent his last 3 years working at Urban Outfitters. No, I'm not sad I missed out on a life of mustaches, the dollar menu and shitty scarves.
Haga you didnt jbsii whee wu an therer
Party on wayne
I don't want to die alone with cake watching shows about cake
Dilemas of the modern woman: deciding whether or not to write on your ex's wall for his birthday. This is serious.
Last night was so embarrassing. I got like almost blackout drunk and threw up in my hand and then blamed it on someone else.
Times have changed. Freshman year I could throw my shirt in a bonfire and still get laid. Now when I puke in my girlfriend's bed on her birthday I'm "an asshole"
I was his one phone call from jail and I hung up on him. He's fine though were gonna go to a party now.
I'm at the nutcracker high as shit. It's so beautiful. I cried.
But how MUCH of an emergency? Like, should I go to the ER now, or can it wait until after the bar crawl?
He walked into me masturbating to a framed picture of Bill Murray riding a t-rex
Randomize
