you washed your face with toilet water last night.. i tried to stop you but you wouldn't have it.
you spent the like half the night trying to figure out the puzzles on the back of the captn crunch box
My roommate got wasted last night and went to the 24 hour Bally's Total Fitness at 3 A.M. He got back took his shirt off, made a protein shake, puked, asked me if he was almost as jacked as Ronnie Coleman then called ME gay before I could say anything and went to bed
I just walked in on my roommate beating off with no pants on, an unbuttoned hawaiian shirt and a cowboy hat, and he weights 300 pounds
Apparently I gave him a 'Steve jobs blowjob'
Unlimited sex for unlimited netflix. I can deal with that. I think this is the first prostitution deal for netflix ever.
Is your answer to that text seriously a right parenthesis
You had your dick do your apologizing for you last night. Apology accepted.
I'm to sober to make life ruining decisions and alcohol is to expensive at this bar for me to fear that level of drunk happening
Let's say hypothetically if you were going to put icing on a penis and then lick it clean...what would you ice it with? Not a knife right?
You told us that you were going to become a 'new man' and threw your tv set out of a window.
pls come over. need ride to hospital once taquitos are ready
Learn from my mistakes, you naive soul: Gay love triangles are just as dangerous as straight love triangles.
I don't have the resources to adequately explain this. I need like a Powerpoint presentation and also Vodka.
I need a guy who can see in me what the lesbian community sees in me
Randomize
