This is not my ceiling
So I used to make fun of texas a lot, then I got here and I found a place where I could get my tequila in a to go cup with a straw and I realized that this is the only place I ever want to be
So they call this "a walk of shame" but fuck that...this walk is fantastic. What kind of debbie downer came up with that name?
i have received so many congratulations texts this morning. sleeping with him really was a good decision.
i just got cum up my nose. i would have expected more from the captain of the men's lacrosse team
Please tell me you're throwing the cats into this foot of snow.
That last minute feeling of hesitation on whether I should bring my health card to the bar usually means I'm in for a good night.
WE COULD TOTALLY DO ECSTASY AND GO TO THAT CAT SHELTER OFF OF BROADWAY.
As if right now I am a humanitarian. Full story to come in the morning. It involves sex.
Also one of my neighbors is blasting "pumped up kicks" and possibly butchering some chickens
I guess I can give it a shot. I usually just get belligerently drunk and go where my penis and feet lead me. No fights or getting too lost, so they seem to be doing a good job
I fell down the stairs while taking the dog out last night. I was laying there with the dog licking me face and my neighbor just stepped over me
I farted in his bed and then in my drunken stupor grabbed hair defanging spray to cover up the stench.
Orientation leader success, day 1: incoming freshman just ate out his first sorority girl. I gave him a 7/10.
Overheard a drunk girl talk about how when she's drunk she believes in more than one God
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