youre lurking in front of me
she just fell off the couch. onto a bag of pretzels. her face resembled a cat that just swallowed a sock.
I drank almost a whole fifth last night. Woke up with blood everywhere wearing a "stereotype this" tshirt. How fitting
i just went to use the bathroom this morning and I couldn't because there was someone puking in every stall. i'm going to miss the dorms this summer
you're letting him buy you a plane ticket...to kentucky...so you can fuck him?
i know. i'm only adding to the interstate sex trade problem.
I looked at you and you stared at me dead in the eyes then sprayed febreze at your crotch and winked.
Call me next time you want to get irresponsibly drunk when we have grown up things to do the next day.
I pretty much envision me eating a turkey leg whilst fucking you. I have priorities.
She has either a C-Section scar or a bullet wound, I can't quite tell
Best oral ever, hands down so to speak. but I'm starting to want to meet that lesbian truck driver he says he's better than. Just for comparison purposes of course.
my pupils became my eyes and i slept with a cloth in my mouth again
And then god smiled down upon me and he said let there be hangover food and let it be Wendy's
Haha idk you were stealing pizza dough at dominos
I'm worried about us. We are almost 30 and we still drink jaeger bombs till we black out. Wait, no I'm not. I'm excited about us.
I woke up this morning to pee and six dollar bills fell out of my underwear. I guess that lap dance just bought me lunch.
Randomize
