Nothin says happy bday jesus like a shot with your loved ones.
It's like my work doesn't even care about margarita mondays.
so there is either a lot of blood or a lot of wine in the shower....
this will be a night to untag.
Ummm I just broke my no puke streak at church
Currently bleeding through my leggings. Not good. Not good at all.
Hospital.
I am invincible.
Okay we're getting vodka and coming
Okay. Joe has my machete attached to his belt
I was alternating between saying "yall need Jesus" and "God bless" the entire night
Fuck you and your fucking taquito's.
The bar tender had his entire hand down your asscrack.
I forgot about that. I was in MULTIPLE dimensions.
As he put it in he shouted "geronimo!"
Wow... So was the sex good?
Yeah but it doesn't matter. My vagina is not a pool.
So your telling me I can lick your ass but you CAN'T spend my money
im pretty sure i tried to use axe body spray to cover up the strong urine smell coming from my jeans. im also pretty sure that it didnt work.
Julius Caesar had a huge penis
WTF are you reading?
Ha ha! No, the guy in the Caesar costume last night. We hooked up. His dick was huge
Security showed up because apparently we were fucking too loud.
As your roommate I can attest that y'all do indeed fuck rather loudly
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