I caught myself masturbating while watching a baseball game today. It was over before I realized what was going on. And then I was just confused.
Take one last look at my face, because I'm drinking it off tonight.
It makes me feel uncomfortable and unsafe when he licks my pants
Two penises later: I might be straighter than I think.
Also, last night I had a dream that I was in a victoria's secret fashion show and they made me wear a t-shirt over my lingerie. Spring dieting begins now.
Aside from the fact that there's a penis in my mouth, that's a pretty good picture of me
Idk. Each time I ask him about double teaming a woman with Dennis Rodman he just giggles. We will never know what to believe.
Sorry I missed your call. Have a great morning.
That is a horrible way of saying good morning to someone. You basically reminded me that we did not hook up yesterday. It's bad enough I got to go to work all day with blue balls.
It is. We should just be drunk all the time forever everything is like just 90% more perfect
I'm sitting with my parents watching football and moaned when I saw his shirtless picture. They looked at me weird so I had to turn the moan into a laugh. A sad, really horny laugh.
mhmm. we know where to go, which places have free bathrooms, how long you can be in one until its sketchy, we have this down to a science. we're like the college sophomore pregaming dream team
Halfway through the blowjob she stopped and said 'Wait I know this dick'.
Eh, I don't question what my penis likes. It just does what it does.
DESTROY DICK DECEMBER\nTHE SUN SHINES ON THE THIRSTY
The last thing I remember was them slipping shots into my beer bong, and me being happy about it
Randomize
