i have i love cock written on my hand and a vagina drawn on my arm and i just finished eating breakfast with the whole fam for mothers day
ahah at least you got away with it
nope...my gran was the one who informed me
We learned about herpes today in bio. I might as well have given the lecture
just found a shoebox labled "emergency smoking box"... it has a lightbulb, 2 potatoes, a dried up flower, and a button that says "stop drop and roll". what did we do last night?!
Look at it this way: if he'll have sex with a tomato, he'll have sex with you.
I woke up wearing nothing but his lifeguard whistle..
I couldn't function. I was to the point where I was using a bottle cap as a monocle.
I never thought the first time a taser would be used on me would be at an applebees
Whatever. I'll just fuck him now and deal with the clingyness later.
It happened again.
What?
I lost in a drinking contest with my 84 year old grandmother. Two years in a row now.
I decided I was tough enough to wax my bikini area myself. Long story short, I'll be drunk when you get home
I really feel like I should slow down on the getting hammered. I told a bartender on "Taco Tuesday" that a $3 margarita was too expensive. And proceeded to have a $70 tab.
did i just see you in the movie theater carrying a margarita into Frozen?
All the 6 year olds are jealous of my alcohol
You told the bartender at least five times that you were naming your son "Jagermeister" but you would use the bartender's name "Fernando" as his middle name. You were drunk.
I threw my shoes out of frustration and walked home barefoot... can you help me find my shoes in the morning
if by making eggnog you mean drinking all the spiced rum, then yes, she's making eggnog
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