Why did we buy the only spinning apartment on campus?
worst 3rd wheel sitch ever. i'm crammed into a booth with him and chubs mcgee and his hand is between her legs. thank youuu karma.
I think I'd remember a dick in my mouth
I think I might be in your shoes. Except they are actually my shoes. Either way these shoes are wasted.
I just found out you can file for divorce online. I love America.
Just spit on a sock to clean a spot on my glass table. Oddest combination of so lazy and motivated ever.
I'm pretty sure we organized our beer pong teams according to who's been circumsized...
I just asked her to come in through the window, this pretty much solidifies the whole fuck-buddy thing...
No one understands the complete and utter debilitating 3 day bday bender.
I think I should just be a madame. Fuck it.
I'm just gonna post fliers on telephone poles like, "who wantsta be a hooooooe?!"
So i walked around campus drunk and alone last night eating pizza and a lunchable from 7-11. Sat by the flag pole and drank an entire liter of water, took off my shoes to prance around in the fountain, then stepped in dog shit on the way home...barefoot.
I mentioned the porn thing he mentioned a brother it all kinda just came together
She rode me wearing nothing but a Santa hat. Merriest fucking Christmas!
The taste of regret at 8am, yup that taste is Jack Daniel's
Three times. Three times I left home yesterday in search for sex, and three times I returned un-orgasmed.
Randomize
