I want you more than these girls want KFC
Hungover Fun Fact #4: Eating a grilled stuffed burrito WILL make you blow chunks in the ice maker at work.
Just had a pleasant conversation with a mugger while he was taking off my shoes. Why can't I get along with people like this sober?
We started telling people we were married, and then we hooked up on a park bench
He sent me a picture of his ass and said the backdoor is open. Almost grabbed my keys and a condom before I saw it was a group text. Not nearly drunk enough for his desperation.
her best friend is in town and she told me that they used to fool around when they were drunk and I'd have to "help keep that from happening"
you motherfucker
While all the other girls were trying to out skut the next, Cameron was just doing cartwheels around the bar. I think she's the only one who got laid.
im actually so stoned and hungover i feel like a bag of jello stuffed into a human shape
I just made the pizza guy say helicopter six times in order to get his money. Even he knows how stoned we are.
This is worse then when all the pharmacists sang me happy birthday while I was buying plan b
If waking up at 6 50 pm every day and getting invited to go have sex as you wake up is what alcoholism is like I can get use to this.
I need a "no soliciting" sign for your dick
I'm taking pictures of my asshole to send to my boss. This is not what I had in mind the day after thanksgiving.
sarahs drunk and is drawing dinosaurs all over the apartment. should i stop her?
whats she drawing them with?
eyeliner
no that's ok
I sure hope so...I wonder if he could tell in that email that I'm really good at blow jobs. Hopefully he heard that tone. Any means necessary.
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