he told me I talked like a deaf person
this girl with a french braid down the center of her head won't stop talking about the benefits of the free market. i'm hungover, bloated and haven't slept for 4 days. shut up french braid girl, shut up.
I kept telling myself all night that it was completely okay for me to lose all sense of my morals because it was my birthday.
my boss told me he would look for my wallet when he went back to the strip club tonight.
i dont care. it has been a 14 hour day, and we are all celebrating by alternating shots and grilled cheese.
WE'RE FINALLY ADMITTING THAT WE DESPERATELY WANT TO SCREW EACH OTHER. THIS IS WHAT PROGRESS FEELS
I really resent how she stayed home and ruined my plans to watch sci-fi and masturbate.
He would have to make magical things happen in my nether regions to actually make me vote republican.
Sorry, all I could picture was you jamming your dick into a lemon.
He snapchatted me the wine on the ceiling this morning
I knew there was a problem when things got heated and instead of rushing home I offered to get bagels instead
He looks like an accountant with a secret kinky candy filled center.
You said "I'm not gonna waste my last condom on you" last night.
Are you in a position where you can bring me some nachos?
I love you even if you are fucked up. If you fall, i'll just get on top of you.
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