TRUE LIFE: my roommate is growing a bush.
better yet, TRUE LIFE: my roommates boyfriend begged her to grow a bush.
if you could put a roof over IU campus it would be the biggest whorehouse in the nation
a cemetary is a place for people to rest in peace and you just spermed all over their land
so many types of cookies right now. i'm eating four kinds of cookies that i've made into larger cookie sandwiches. too high. whoa.
Guess who just hooked up with the cop that fingerprinted her?
traded hat for shot of whiskey. lovah yo life. only ADVENTURE NOW. OH GOD IT WENT TO CAPS LOCK
He walked up to anal ring toss like he was going to win you a teddy bear
When he swipes my v card it will be comparable to my bat mitzvah. should I make sweatshirts or sweatpants?
You tried to wave to Meg on Family Guy and got upset because she wasn't waving back
I'm giving random strangers at the bar sips of my fishbowl, then telling them I have Ebola. It's a fun night.
Hypothetically speaking, when I get a sugar glider would it be frowned upon to bring it Ito classes with me in m pocket?
Girl, he's like catnip for my pussy.
You need to stop leading guys on at bars - you're a lesbian.
And now I'm a lesbian with better self-esteem.
So today was the first day i've been sober since Wednesday according to my roommate!
Standing straight up with intensity he came in his own mouth. I know this because he showed me the video from five different angles when asked if I would like him to demonstrate. And I did.
Randomize
