So I have to ask... did I meet your lumberjack expectations? I mean, minus the red flannel and all.
I'm not working tomorrow. need to take advantage of the last opportunity for weeks of morning sex.
I just mistook a monk for someone with the newest colored snuggie.
i was so drunk he made me beileve the song was called "thanksgiving sex."
I was so hungover that I had to stop in the middle of the game and throw up. The fans cheered.
once i realized i was actively trying to drink the beer i was sweating out of my body i knew it was time to go to bed
im youtubing treadmill accidents. this is what i do at 2:10am
hungover waitressing a bar association event. im being judged by actual judges.
there's nothing weirder than waking up to your mom eating breakfast on the couch that you fucked her coworker on last night.
this is the first time in over a year I had a pregnancy scare and actually would have known who the father was. I guess this is what adulthood feels like.
The night was crazy enough that we did a workout. Instructed by the bouncer at 2am
You're like the fucking Mozart of sexting.
My aunt asked how many piercings I had and my mom said seven and I said nine and that's how my family found out I had my nipples pierced.
Please tell me I did not drink enough whiskey to think that having sex with my boyfriend while his best friend was on the floor next to us was a good idea.
She was gone when I unblacked out, but she had nailed her panties to the wall and wrote “Colleen’s Dick”with a sharpie on the wall. No idea where she got a hammer and nail
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