There is still throw up in my sink from before break. God I missed this place
she got kicked out of the bar for shoving german chocolate cake in the bartenders face. we were there less than a minute
Safe to say I relapsed into my old chatroulette drunk flashing days.
It's only Tuesday and I just measured and checked to see if my 6'5 Friday booty call will fit in the back of my jeep comfortably.
I DO NOT KNOW WHO SHE IS, WE HAVE NO MORE FRUIT, SHE CAN'T STAY HERE.
Like wrapping my dick in silk, wrapping that in velvet, and putting it in a cloud. A warm, tight, wet cloud.
I'm at a bar. It's body paint Wednesday. All of the waitresses are topless. Help me
Drugs are gluten free tho, right?
Walking down the street, Bro bumping to 'still' by dre. Dropped his trash on the ground and aggressively sped up when his light turned green. If you still had love for the streets you wouldn't of fucking littered. Took everything for me not to yell at him. I know you would've.
Just masturbating and watching Sports Center...is this what it's like to be a guy?!
Some guy is here to get laser hair removal on his balls. I hate my job.
Wine through a straw in a subway cup.....classy
I gave her the last ten dollars to my name and bitch comes back with a six pack of bud light and a pack of sour patch kids
man do I wish I knew who this naked guy in my room was...
Ok, as his sister I didn't tell you this but he's very familiar with pregnancy symptoms. So next time he calls you fat freak him the hell out by asking if your ankles look swollen.
Randomize
