He passed out so we kept throwing water on him, he got excited and asked if we were at the wave pool.
What hospital were we in last night? Insurance needs to know
Never again. Her vagina looked like a sad old man.
He just told me that he goes squirrel hunting. NO LONGER BANGABLE.
found out that hot proper business chick in my class A) did a bar crawl last 2 night and still showed up to class and B) is 19 and C) so not as proper as I thought D) is single. How the fuck does that work? Freaking superwoman.
I can't help but feel like we would be friends still if my phone didn't always capitalize BUTTLOAD...
they had to take the Corona's out of the fish tank because they wouldn't fit with the mini replica of the roman coliseum in there. so we drank the Corona's. does beer have an expiry date?
I had so much drainage I couldn't moan properly. Fuck allergy season
Thanks to a poorly written tweet a whole bunch of people thought I died last night.
I don't know. I just thought I'd put my drinks in my bag and go on an adventure. Like a drunk Bilbo Baggins.
I just stole some rubbers from the girl I stayed with last night so I can use them on a different girl today..
There's that certain point at night when you start saying things like s'mores should be used in foreign relations. I reached it.
Remember when I made fun of you when you ran out of toilet paper on your brother's birthday and had to use coffee filters? Guess what happened today
How drunk is too drunk to be on an airplane?
Ever get that feeling that you're the back up booty call and half way through securing the fake date excuse to try to get in your pants, the guy hears back from the original booty call and drops the conversation with no explanation?
Randomize
