There's a group of australian girls next to me. can't take them seriously. think they are going to turn into mr g
there are certain things about getting into a cab to go home at 630 am that make me feel like a prostitute.
Either you made a spaghetti vodka smoothie last night, or you puked in the blender.
Drunk. The frashmen love me. Give them. Toilrt paper. And shiots
Where are you, who is in my bed, why is he wearing a spandex onesie as underwear, how did i get teethmarks on my forehead, what are we doing tonight?
We were fucking at break-dick speeds.
Caught in the act of lying. Lipstick literally all over his dick. He tried to make some story about darkwing duck or some shit but failed to realize he is a complete moron.
Sometimes I really think that if... When your stoned you have a catlike ability to just relax in any position
And that was the night we had mind-blowing sex with the score from Raiders of the Lost Ark blaring on vinyl in the background...
I'm gonna die. First I'm gonna throw up. But then I'm gonna die.
I just used the proceeds from selling my ex's engagement ring to fund my first date with another girl.
At one point my little brother was Rocky Balboa'd by a stripper's tit
I've got 3 hot dudes surrounding me. It's the Bermudick Triangle.
Well when you come back we can have a huge bitch fit...or get really drunk....whichever comes first
All I know is I woke up in the back seat of my car, with the engine on, and my gps navigated to florida.
Randomize
