My bottle opener just broke off in the cork
They don't teach how to cope w these situations in boy scouts
you dont need to remember merediths name haha. only jane
In a meeting with the accounting department. This shit is even more boring in real life and there isn't a professor to wake me up.
well that explains the french fry and ketchup packet rolled into the wasitband of my sweats. thank you drunk me.
In between when I last wrote and now have screwed a Swiss guy on a hostel bathroom floor. Okay, real life?
finally remembered how I know that chick in my history class. she made and fed me ramen when I was wasted!
I'm sorry, but the "Hobbit Slam" has to be a sex move.
I think the closest to heaven you can get in this world is your morning dump after a night of Molly
Put some vodka in it
Its 7am
put some vodka in it
She just texted me apologizing for taking selfies on my phone then asked me to send them to her
I'll come hang out with you guys later, but right now my parents aren't home and I have to take full advantage of being able to watch porn on full blast.
It is officially settled in my mind that fuck the hot grad student is THE goal this year
Fair warning birthday party last night avoid kitchen & upstairs bathroom if you value your remaining sanity
I say camping because "let's go get hammered in the woods" sounds kinda fucking weird to be honest.
Woke up in a house I don't know, with someone else's pants on, and wolverine hair, to my girlfriend yelling on the phone about the 4 girls I made out with last
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