dude my grandmas the shit. she has a sixth grade education and got hit by a car when she was 18. she cant smell.
why do i have 22 missed calls from someone who is literally saved in my phone as bumrape star??
I just learned you can mail a coconut. I'll be over in 3 days with the rum.
the moment we started interpretive dancing last night wouldve been a good time to stop drinking.
Alosmot hir two of of mt mailanoxwa
Oh Jesus.
Drinking with mariachis at jimmy johns.
She can drink whiskey without a chaser and has a fridge full of whipped cream. Girlfriend potential
i got to hold a baby today and i loved it and i want a baby but actually i'm going to make an appointment to get birth control now.
life lesson #151: dont let people go batshit crazy and stab you in the knee
i will live by this rule
I understand that just don't try to seduce me while making frozen pizza again.
You proceeded to get into a playground school bus and yell "all aboard to Margaritaville!"
He took my virginity but also my remaining pizza. i dont know how to feel right now.
And also the fact that I woke up sandwiched between two gay men is probably fueling my day
How is it possible for someone who gets so many dick picks sent to her, to be experiencing such a complete and utter lack of dick IRL.
I made him fuck me while wearing a Thor helmat from Walmart. Geek sex is the best sex
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