Apparently i was the first person to introduce her to her clitoris. Needless to say...they hit it off great
her name was charlotte except you kept calling her chatroulette and yelling at her to show you her boobs
you were sitting on your bed looking out the window, rocking back and forth naked, saying how peaceful it looked outside
In class ... We were just assigned groups for the quarter... Remember that night we took shots from that guys pants? I now know his name
How is it I was the last to know everyone calls me tig ole bitties? Did y'all have a meeting about this that I wasn't invited to?
Sorry I never got back to you, I ended up at a party with pot ice cream, pot apple cider, and hash vegetable oil.
It's a lost cause. Soon she's gonna get naked, just let nature run its course
All three of my roommates have their significant others over. We're all hanging out in the living room. It's like I'm the trifecta of third-wheeling
Walking around as slutty Ron Swanson is amazing
It's astonishing how many Ludacris lyrics you know
i just want things to go smoothly
oh they won't lmao
I woke up in the bathroom clutching a stuffed shark. My night was fantastic, thanks for asking.
So I had Xanax for breakfast & I'm probably going to fuck my tennis instructor.
Just went to Meijer. Purchased furnace filters, fishing line, red lipstick and pregnancy test. And if my purchase alone wasn't classy enough, I took the pregnancy test in the Meijer bathroom because Im on my way to the bar and wanted to know if that was a good idea or not. Cheers to no babies!
It’s bad enough my brother slept with half of the sorority this year, but now he’s lifeguarding at the club and every divorcée and cougar in town is asking me for his number. My twin is a manwhore and I’ve become his pimp.
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