This ginger kid smells like a queef popsicle
You know your life is awesome when sometimes you walk down the street eating a sandwich and you run into someone you had a threesome with. And not say hi.
It felt like his penis had an endoskeleton.
So dude, she and I just got done having the most amazing sex, and then she rolled over and said that "lets make some tacos" and proceeded to the kitchen... naked... I'm buying the ring tomorrow
Even the French judge on the olympics would give that a 10
Guess who just hooked up with the cop that fingerprinted her?
Way to high for badminton right now. This is gonna be a shitshow.
it's like if youve been living with the grinch for 15 yrs and then santa shows up with a big gift begging to fuck the christmas spirit back into you. no one can say no to santa.
Pro: She likes to masturbate to 50 shades of grey. Con: She reads 50 Shades of grey non-ironically.
I was passed out in a bathroom stall. Of course im going to look like shit
Being engaged is strange. I looked at my cock this morning and said, "we did alright these last 32 years, right?"
They say find what you're good at... Evidently that's showing up late for everything, drinking, and eating cheese for me.
Is it bad I have to get shitty ass drunk on a Monday night because I can't adult?
Fuck it. I'm going for it. You're only young once, right?
You've been saying that for 5 years now. Let me know when the novelty wears off.
Because of you I'm damaged goods. I'm a fucking soup can and you dropped me.
She's celebrating a tinder-match-aversary and I'm not about that.
Randomize
