i wanted to iron the shorts i'm wearing. but i'm high and lazy. so i'm using my hair straightener. in bed.
i wish i could google "things to eat in my fridge" so i wouldnt have to go downstairs and be disappointed
He kept saying 'your mouth is Amazing' even after I was on his dick.
Can't show you right now as we are in public and he refuses to let me photograph his penis in a bar.
Correct me if I'm wrong here... but did we serenade each others breasts to "winds of change" last night?
Last thing I remember was you straddling a guy in a wheelchair on the dance floor.
I feel like I should lick our pitcher just so everyone knows its ours
Just curious... Do you still have the cocks bracelet? You know, the one we pass around to whoevers been the biggest slut recently?
he told me my vagina was like a beautiful piece of salami
Im making gravy in a lace bra and jeans. Just call me the southwern wet dream
Just to prove a point, she called and ordered a pizza 10 min before she ordered the blow and it still got here first. I may never leave LA.
I told you!!! And that is why he's the drug dealer to the stars.
Did you get an erection too during Paul Ryan's speech?
He said the first movie he ever jerked off to was Titanic because he knew "they were totally doing it in that car."
I'm going to CVS to meet the Craigslist guy who is going to buy my underwear. If I don't text you within the next hour, plz assume that I have been abducted by a stranger with an underwear fetish.
She was pretty impressed that I led all thirty of us back to campus in my state of drunk. Evidently so impressed that she now refers to me as "Moses" in bed.
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