My family just had an in depth argument about the meaning of chodes
if one more of _____'s family tells me "you're next" i'm going to shoot myself. Thank god for gin (most protestant phrase ever at the most Jewish wedding ever)
Ask for a julep and start talking about how you much prefer the uncircumsized peen. that should probably stop them.
I just woke up to me licking the dognuts
You mean Doughnuts?
......No :(
I'm drinking a margarita out of my 'best bj' trophy and it tastes like victory.
For some reason I just don't think you going to the gay bar alone on thanksgiving is a good idea.
you are not perverted enough for this relationship to work out.
his phone is always ringing though. It makes me feel like I'm dating a doctor who's always on call.
yeah, dating a doctor sounds much better than fucking your drug dealer.
My roommates just built a mini golf course upstairs while I was sleeping.
He ran into the room yelling "attack! Attack!", jumped on top of me on the air mattress, popped the air mattress, and then we had victory sex, because he was proud of popping it.
Well watching will be involved...it'll just most likely be of me licking your penis instead of me trying to understand how Hans Solo goes up against the Galactic Empire...
Needless to say, I woke up on the bathroom floor wearing the dress that my mom wore to the wedding. That open bar stole my soul.
Is that a question you really want to ask or do you just want to tell you that I can't walk without feeling like my legs are collapsing underneath me
I've had sex to the movie Tommy Boy too many times to be acceptable.
He's unconstrained by sanity, physics, or his liver.
CALL ME OLD FASHIONED BUT PEE IS FOR TOILETS
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