im going to pretend im pregnant so i can eat a lot then i will accidentally fall down the stairs
dont worry your back hair reminds me of angel wings
we were doing it doggy-style and i felt him pop that pimple on my back.I have mixed feelings about it
Woke up with an epic boner today, the kind where you can spin books and shit on it. FYI: don't try spinning an encyclopedia
His roommate just snorted a line of Smirnoff off the desk. I could really fit in here.
I still havent gotten an apartment yet, so I crash random college parties...get so drunk and then sleep on their couch
Im otw to class. I was at the Library. Just past three girls with a bottle of tequila playing dizzy bat.
how is telling me how long you drunkenly fucked someone supposed to make me miss you?
Excuse me hold on, hooking up with someone who is verified on twitter is like being important.
Dude. Get me out of here. I'm surrounded by glitter-faced 40 year olds in halter tops. The desperation here is so thick you can taste it.
He held the beaver pelt from the fireplace over my crotch and asked his friend "she look familiar now?", he then remembered my name.
True idk how my parents didn't know I was blackout. I ate like 4 pieces of cheesecake and showed my cousins my boobs
woke up next to the new dishwasher. set the record for banging a new employee to 6 hours...i should be a professional sexual predator
Halfway through she said I was exactly like she imagined. So many things have been stroked this night.
So some guy thought I took second place in a male stripper competition
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