Stop everything. They have oreo straws to drink milk with and then you eat the straw. I think i just got turned on by a cookie commercial.
Why does my right nut always hang lower than my left nut?
All signs point to mom being high. 1) making chicken at 2 am. 2) dancing to smooth jazz. 3) she asked where the peanut butter was
He took me by the hand and ordered me to make him vodka soup.. I think I like him?
He was banging holes in the kitchen wall with pots. They tried to pull him away but only managed to pants him. He kept "drumming".
Bartenders are not toys. I repeat, bartenders are not toys.
How did "just two beers for happy hour" turn into naked backyard wrestling?
I feel like my dick pic collection should be archived at the Smithsonian
he was snoring so I have him a bj to wake him up and then told him he had to leave.
my very deepest apologies for the unintentional cock block.
Dude...itll be a youre-still-a-dick-but-a-hot-one-angry-hate-evil-spite kinda fuck. This is acceptable.
Stop letting me drink while doing my makeup. I think I used sharpie for eyeliner.
Never let the horse trainer ride you, always ride the horse trainer. I have huge bruises on my thighs from his hip bones. That's how hard he rode me
Who is naked dude in the kitchen?
All I heard was "sit on my face" "okay" and muffled screaming. I'm still disappointed.
Randomize
