I'm youtube-ing children's choirs. Am I adorable? Or am I a child predator?
Predator. Straight up.
I look like a sausage in jean shorts, you should have woken up earlier and approved my outfit.
Im sitting alone watching titanic. Drunk. Without pants. Holding a fishing pole. Im pretty sure im okay with all of this.
they fed me a peach. i was laying on the floor telling them how beautiful they were
It's ok I'm watering my plants with a 40 in my camelback, people are staring
I never thought the first time a taser would be used on me would be at an applebees
She fell down no less than 4 times while we were at the club. One of which was while she was in the bathroom stall next to me.
You were riding my three year old's train yelling, 'I think I can, I think I can!!'
I thought I could.
Next time we include dessert condiments into our sex life we can fuck up my sheets. It's only fair.
4:37 am. You're wearing underwear and carpet skates. Borderline crying. You want to punch Morgan. Have not stopped singing Give Your Heart a Break.
It really went downhill when you started writing IOU on pieces of napkins. Giving them to the strippers
Real life dumb and dumber
You fucked two dudes in the same night and still went home to your cats. How does that happen?
I told him the only reason I'd sleep with him is if we have a threesome because I'll need moral support
Blacked in cold and wet, with them areound me singing Aaaaall we are saaaaayiiiing is YOU PEED YOUR PANTS
I woke up and he already had a joint rolled waiting next to the bed. Love.
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