In line at the arbys drive thru on foot. Legendary.
Today's life lesson: fat girls should not wear tight miniskirts and vinyl leggings. This Forever 21 salesgirl is a hot mess.
If one more person calls me a lesbian I am going to have to give you head in public.
It just hit me that i made out with someone's mom last night
Yea idk it was like early in the morning and you were walking around with no shoes carrying a printer
You shouted "FUCK SHANIA TWAIN" and then downed an Aquafina bottle of white wine none of us knew how to react
he just hooked up with some chick in a bedroom upstairs so I just went to sleep in the pantry closet...
I know it I should, but it's kinda nice. It's smells like unbridled enthusiasm and copious amounts of melt your face off sex.
I just wanna be able to fart and do my homework but he won't leave
Haha, how do I word that nicely? "You got me to the edge of no return twice and failed to let me orgasm, therefore you owe me chicken nuggets or hot wings. Your decision"
Do you think they'll deliver pizza to my mouth
Well, that's not my fault. I make decisions all the time when I'm drunk.
Like if Ohio doesn't think I can get smashed on wine I will gladly prove them wrong
Not this time. I'm drinking in my sweatpants which means I've given up for the day and shouldn't be in public.
I don't think we should let her have pot anymore. She ate an entire package of bacon half-cooked and screamed that it was al-dente.
Randomize
