i woke up, turned over, and noticed an assortment of knives stuck in my wall. i should prob stop drinking
It's not mothers day until you're vomitting syrup into grandma's toilet. Cherish the holidays
Things are going great. I have tons of beer, margaritas, and theres an inflatable swan in the mix.
So you have no knowledge as to why I am hearing loud repetitive mooing from next door?
I need $500 dollars more than I need a night of dignity... I gonna do it.
The great thing about skinny blondes is that they're all interchangeable.
Omg considering I am covered in cake and probably cocaine that is the greatest news I have ever heard
there was a kid getting taken out of the waterpark handcuffed to a wheelchair singing "tryna catch me ridin dirty"
No, I am not setting up my roomba to clean up puke.
She wants me to spank her and yell "Kerry! Your father is disappointed with your choices!" Fuck up but crazy hot? Or just fuck up crazy?
Just did a "spirit of homecoming" bump off a stranger's credit card. A stranger that dropped us off at home. Erica's bad. How do allllll of the Eastern Europeans know how to find drugs so easily?!?
btw, whatever u do, dont try and take that towel away from her..i tried, it got ugly..she said some things im sure she regrets.
Some guy in the bathroom just took his shirt off and proceeded to tell me the story behind all of his stab wounds. That's what I get for making small talk
Hooked up with a girl in the dorm laundry room tonight. And got invited to go to Vegas for free. That's how today's going.
Plus, I have my cousin, the dominatrix, to help me out if things get out of hand
Randomize
