She is in my trunk
Today let's steal peoples pets out of their backyards and leave ransom notes
I envy your ability to put any word in front o the word beer and make drinking before 5 sound like a socially sanctioned event.
new revelation: five guys for breakfast
new revelation: previous revelation not a good revelation
He told me he was ok to drive home. Then I found him face-planted in the parking lot.
Okay, good. And if you have one of those portable strip poles that would be nice too.
I have a music final in an hour so I put all the classical songs we need to know in a shower power hour playlist, beer included.
Just had a tv talk show interview in my mirror. Got into to some pretty heavy shit man, would have made good viewing.
I feel like we shud celebrate your sisters homecoming by having sex in her room
I'll be there in 10. I need you naked and ready. Warm up.
You called me at 3 am and I rode my flat ass bike that I dug out of my garage in the dark to meet you at dunkin donuts for a 10 minute convo about your mother and you didn't drive me home.
you owe me a blunt and a bottle of moscato.
IM WAITING BITCH. ANSWER ME.
I bought a box of wine on my way home. I figured if I’m going to be broke during the holidays, I might as well be able to drink about it.
Why the HOLY HELL is my dog on my roof??? Sam?? Why is the dog wearing my pants
Let's not forget that we had sex on the ground in public tonight.
Your shit was massive.
I'm not 100% sure how to respond to that.
If you were in a "who has the massivest shit contest", you'd win by a landslide.
Randomize
