i just put a booger in my mom's hair and i just needed to tell someone.
i wish i could google "things to eat in my fridge" so i wouldnt have to go downstairs and be disappointed
You act like this is the first time I literally thought I was invisible.
I cleared a drunken path to my bed for you. If you hit clothes you've gone too far.
when i tried to put the condom on he started screaming about how he didn't want his groceries bagged
sometimes it's just necessary to be your own gyno when you're too afraid to tell your mom about your real life
no one ever believes me when I try explaining to them that your straight. I'm all like, "yeah that's his girlfriends dress he's stretching out"
HE JUST ALLUDED TO FUCKING MY FRESH LOAF OF BREAD
I made out with a mom and her daughter and got a black eye, so yeah, my birthday went well
I mean obviously I like your dick... Jury is still out on you but your dick is good
but seriously, an anthropology paper shouldn't be hard if you're trashed, right?
He went down on me to the national anthem being sung by Jordan sparks. It was very patriotic of him
I'm not trying to take your husband away from you, but can we have another 3way soon? I'm just desperate for good dick.
I'm way too sober and people are way too heterosexual
Driving, getting head and talking to your boss on the phone is not a good combination. I nearly died
Randomize
