it sucked. he totally couldn't get it up. blamed it on never having cheated b4. Couldn't stop laughing. fuck.
I have big tits. Rules don't apply to me.
My favorite part of the day is the 2 seconds of ignorance you have when you first wake up. Right before you remember where your mouth was last night.
A small cock is a small cock, don't blame the size of my hands
there are 2 things i love giving: blowjobs & backrubs. how can i tell them that without sounding like a slut
im still trying to figure out who put the honey mustard in the blender then put the entire blender into the freezer
When you give the bridesmaid toast someday at my wedding I need you to quote Ricky Bobby in some form. And slip in your sister has the vagina of awesomeness. That is all.
1st rule of birth control pills: do not stop taking birth control pills. 2nd rule of birth control pills: do NOT STOP taking birth control pills.
Just spread butter on my bathrobe. This has been an ace morning.
future reference: when you get a text that says "WARNING: EXPLICIT PHOTOS BEING DELIVERED. VIEWERS DISCRETION IS ADVISED." you always open the attached picture.
We were having a serious discussion about Blue's Clues and I just kept thinking, 'you've seen me naked'.
I really have to stop going to the movies high. Spending $10 to not know what the fuck is going on is starting to get pricey.
When dressing for a 3way, how do I convey to the other chick I care enough to look pretty but not so much that it's a huge deal?
She shoved her hand down my pants and held my cock for thirty minutes in the bar. It was like she was letting all the other females know I was hers.
I would ride that face into the sunset
Randomize
