Great date with Damon, but I'm not sure if telling him I like lesbian porn is a good second date discussion.
Why did you video tape me drying my boxers in the microwave?
Ran into him today. He apologized via facebook. sometimes I hate our generation
You know, it's scary to think that someday I might buy a pregnancy test with pride, not at 2am...
They had half off shots during the fourth quarter. I was powerless.
How are ur friends?
One is peeing in the grass and the other is asleep under the stairs. Fuck them I'm sleeping in the car
I am 100% planning on being drunk on Wednesday. This is America. Work or no work.
...I can smell the alcohol on your breath through that text
hey remember that mom you brought home from the bar last month... she is currently driving me back to her place. turning my phone off now.
New game I thought of while bored on the train. Anytime I get a text from an ex, I will randomly text a different ex. It's like a less charitable version of pay it forward.
maybe facebook could make a notification like "someone tagged a photo of that guy you used to bang and still think is really hot with his shirt off"
On the upside, no one went to the hospital! Lex's friend was definitely on fire at one point last night though because he tried to juggle tiki torches. He was shirtless this morning and smelled like a BBQ.
You tried paying your tab with the coaster
First day in a very long time I've done more pushups than bong rips
I love her so much I can forgive her for wearing crocs
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