I asked her if she watches the office. She said no, but do you watch I'm a celebrity get me outa here? That's when i knew. Deal breaker
How fortunate humanity is that it need not rely on the female orgasm for procreation
You kept throwing bottles at the dorm across the courtyard and when anyone told you to stop you just said "who are you? Al Gore?"
I pretty much threw up on him while he slept, I had one task today which was to wash the sheets that I threw up on and I turned them pink. I would leave me if I could
sold 4 oz of weed today pantsless. man i love college.
She thinks I come over for the sex, but I really come for the snacks.
He didn't even realize I was drunk. He probably just thought I loved Torchwood so much that I no longer knew how to use my thumbs
Dude I thought she was trying to turn my dick inside out
So you told me to remind you that you vomited 3 times in the street because you would forget so here is your reminder
You're not horrible. Thank you for my pandas.
yeah, you could tell they werent used to the strange things that i say. they were all outright shocked when i told one guy i hoped someone kidnapped him and stretched his dickhole over a fire hydrant
We were gonna go out drinking tonight but she found out she's pregnant so are you free
Orgasms and cereal.... that's what life's about.
I was singing Colors of the Wind and swigging vodka and still felt like more of an adult.
One day I'm going to get tired of waking up and wondering where the glow sticks on the floor came from.
Randomize
