My vag should have a twitter account. It would be like "destroyed another condom today".
yea, the bartender wouldn't serve you because you kept asking for "a slice of beer"
I just gave some chick my debit card to put in the jukebox. She better put out.
just bailed mom out of jail. Tell me i'm not the favorite child
Things got outta hand once she told me to water-board her with Patron.
oh and speaking of men I've slept with. Ryan lost 1/3 of a testicle zip lining
If I asked you to guess what I'm doing right now how many guesses would it take to get to really high eating an apple bumping techno
One day her vagina is just going to shrivel up and seal itself with it's self preservation mechanism
There's a website where you can order a pile of horse shit to be dropped on a persons doorstep. So that's another option.
Let's play "Guess What I Just Found In My Vagina?"
lost my vibrator and now I have to masturbate manually. The struggle is fucking real.
dude, you ran into a window then asked ME what the fuck I was doing.
All my friends are going on vacations with their boyfriends while I’m over here in court trying to get a restraining order against my ex....
dude if looks could fuck you two would've been naked in front of everybody
I just found a contact in my phone named "Nick from The Party". Who's nick?
Randomize
