That should be a holiday. like easter. but bulges instead of baskets
my night ended in me puking all over jenna's bed, then me trying to wash the sheets in the toilet.
and now her best friend is massaging my table under the leg. this may not end well.
She only remembers me when she's drunk. It's like I'm a suppressed memory that only surfaces with alcohol.
I find out next week of the Australian was lying about his vasectomy or not. Keep your fingers crossed!
The Russian stripper asked if I like foreign girls. I told her I absolutely fucking hate accents. Most awkward 7 minutes ever
And I'm still awake, and you left me. Like the guy on Jurassic Park, that jumped out of the car expecting me to save myself while there is a man eating T-rex ready to tear my ass apart except theres a mathematician and paleontologist there to save me because they are bad asses.
Favorite thing said to me in 2012: It's like you have two tongues!
Were you keeping a list?
You have to start asking people if they're gay before you kiss them..
low point in my life last night. licked pizza grease off my iphone screen..
I don't have time to shower before my passport photos...your cum is all over my hair...that's with me for 10 years now
I solemnly swear to help bail you out of jail when you throw a dildo at a politician.
I'm 22 and I'm drinking hawaiian punch from a sippy cup. Everything is right in the world.
I smoked too much. I'm sitting on my balcony and I keep getting lost. Help me
If I die bedazzle my coffin please.
Randomize
