the police officer looked at my vomit and told me "milk was a bad choice"
So I think we're almost at the age where we should start calling boys men. Now what age do they start living up to the new title?
Most never. Some around 65.
So baked. Thought the twigs on the sidewalk were caterpillars with the ability to harden in self defense. Had to pick one up to be sure.
Even Lady Gaga hates Purdue
Just witnessed a circumcision at clinical. i suddenly feel a sense of reconciliation over every guy who's done me dirty...
yeah...i noticed he pets people when he's drunk. It's odd.
Mystery solved: The table is broken because I had sex on it last night.
That kid who fell through your coffee table is here. In a toga.
Fyi: beer caps are stronger then bathroom counters
So many weird people in this class. I can practically taste their unwanted virginities. They taste bad.
Sneezing cum all over the table was not the highlight of the family reunion if that tells you anything
I fell asleep giving a handjob, had a sex dream about giving a handjob, and woke up giving a handjob. Life.
WHY IS THERE A GOLD FISH IN MY BONG??
conclusion: canadians have really freaky sex
Dude, you screamed I AM THE WALRUS while giving a statue of Ronald McCdonald a lapdance. You were NOT sober.
Randomize
