call me tomorrow and ask me about coke-whore stripper. It hasnt happened yet, but im sure it will be plenty disappointing.
i just know my balls have never hurt this bad before
i'm just going to get a pitcher of margarita. sober up by 10. and then do my accounting project
Nope we're in the ER. He lit himself on fire trying to impress another girl with magic tricks.
I FUCKING SERVED PEOPLE AND POURDED JUGS AND GOT FREE BEEEEEEEERERTERRY
Oh my god I'm so bored. The virgin is so disinteresting when I'm not trying to cum on her face.
Watching porn with a bag of marshmallows. Thats when you know you're stoned.
My mouth feels like I've been chewing on leather and firecrackers for the past 3 days
Just realized how sopa could affect my ability to watch porn, son of a bitch
I realized last night, I never talk dirty in German during sex. How much wasted potential is that?
Well, I saw an Olympian's genitals tonight, so it can't be that bad.
honestly dont worry about it, its not the first time ive injured myself on a potted cactus during sexual relations with a woman
I walked out and he was covered in jelly, slithering around the floor. I don't know how to process that.
Your "whiskey dick" is glorious but also terrifying
He deliberately gets me high because he knows I fuck better and then I make food for two. I don't know if I should feel mad or proud of him for thinking that far.
Randomize
