Ok im wearing a joe flacco jersey and full stick on unibrow and hardly anyone else dressed up omg
Omg suz!! take the unibrow off
No! im just getting hammered instead
i saved all my weight watcher points for this alcohol
when we got back we had sex. but it wasnt til the morning that i figured out her leg was broken
in the middle of giving him head in the backseat of my car he taps me on the shoulder, opens the door, throws up three times and then proceeds to tell me how amazing i am.
Not sure. No solid plans. Just tanning nude.
Ya, found out why there were rat traps in my bed. Guess I pissed in Sams room so he went to the store and got them and put them on my bed and put tabasco in his humidifier and put it in my room
why is my new profile picture on Facebook one of me with a bunch of strangers on an elevator?
This is one of those times I wish I had a time machine so I could go back and punch myself in the face to make me realize what I need to do before it's too late
im lying in bed trying to choke myself out because being awake hurts too much
Also, I called my liver hardcore in front of vet students last night and then wound up having three of them trying to palpate it. So...not saying that again.
I need a drink and a shade of lipstick that will put the fear of God in a man's heart.
It's getting harder and harder to fake orgasms as I get older.
Wow I got tittyfucked by the American Dream
I think I puked in the middle of sex last night if that's any indication as to how drunk I was.
Why are you barefoot at a strip club?
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