You kept shouting "Relax and take notes" every time before you would hit the blunt
Just desperately used the "it's a boy" cigar I saved from my\nnephews birth to roll a blunt
I'm at work, still drunk. Can you turn on the radio? If the station goes off the air I passed out. Can't get fired. Haven't slept yet.
Vodka @ 9pm. Library. Nothing can go wrong, I promise.
who has that picture of us looking like alcoholics at the zoo?
Since when do you have sex with people you have feelings for?
Dude you don't understand. I genuinely felt his soul's penis in my soul's vagina.
I apparently started to text you last night. All it said was 'the whole clam'. I hope that means something to you.
A man and his most likely hooker just bought us Taco Bell.
This is NOT the time to take our hits and go to Disney. Let me repeat that. NOT THE TIME FOR DISNEY ON ACID
I'm stoned as hell watching the new Star Trek movie. My life is 110% better than it was an hour ago.
I AM NOT LOSING TO SOME FICTIONAL CROSSDRESSER
So I told him "To answer your question yes I am naked making pizza pops in your kitchen"
He can move his dick. Like on its own. WHY DID I NOT GIVE BLOWJOBS BEFORE?!
Put my boyfriend in a chastity cage while he was passed out last night. Now I control his orgasms.
Just so we're clear, drunk and naked is not appropriate attire for Thanksgiving. Do it this year and Grandma will ban you for life.
Randomize
