Her life has all the ingredients for a how to book: Making Your Life an Epic Fail
In hindsight, i should have predicted that a drink called the 'rocky mountain bear fucker' would not end in a pleasant experience
it makes me cry that so many people are going to see you naked someday.
So, it's like build-a-bear for your vag?
i just spent the last half hour thinking about my totally irrational and intense hatred of wedge flip flops.
Bein cut off at a bar is embarassing ...until you get to the next bar.
honestly, magaritas are the void men can't fill.
you are never too drunk for berry picking
I almost put an adult beverage in my sippy cup for the beach but realized the next step would be rehab.
No the next step is being buzzed at the beach. I would've.
You can wear anything you want
So... Naked it is then
I'm so drunk. Remember me this way.
This whole quitting my bad habits all at once is really messing with my ability to function.
I fucked your neighbor. Welcome to the new apartment!
I said, hypothetically speaking, if I was going to be having some rough sex Friday night, when WOULD be the best time for a massage, mother dear?
Ya, It's probably because whenever I close my eyes I see a kitten playing a banjo.
Randomize
