he looked about as manly as a guy in a volkswagen bug can look
This is how scared I get when I ride roller coasters. And how scared I was when I had to poop when I had herpes.
Her vagina smelled like hockey gear.
alex threw up in my bong. i'm going to call it a night.
She asked how far humans have gone into a volcano because they did in spy kids. She was serious.
I just got cut off for correcting the bartender's grammar. I should have never accepted that fucking editors position.
I don't drink during the week.... well, except for Bailey's Tuesdays, which I have to start implementing further.
You only ask me to come over when your gf is gone, and thats usually at midnight to cook chicken salad and watch you pass out
So not only did team sweden fail to particpate in any drinking game but i also found puke in my viking helmet this morning.
At least drunk me was smart enough to stash toilet paper in my bag before I started my walk home. Finally countless squat pees and wiping with grass taught me to be prepared.
then he tried to convert me to islam
Sometimes he has weird facial hair...Basically he has a penis... that's what he's got going for him.
Someone asked me why we were having sex on the porch last night. All I remember is him saying he wanted the recruits to see. This has got to stop.
so you know how I brush my teeth after I give you a bj? according to my dentist my teeth have never been cleaner. looks like this will be a recurring thing
As soon as he came we went to Dairy Queen. That drive through lady was very condescending about our "just fucked" ice cream.
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