you made me watch la bamba, and then you yelled at me for disrespecting your mexican heritage.
I only keep her as my best friend so she wont hook up with my ex.
You convinced me that eggnog and rum is a great moisturizer.
...She was shooting whiskey using a turkey baster...i was horrified.
Repeat the weekend mantra. "I like boys with teeth, I need boys with teeth, I deserve boys with teeth, I will have boys with teeth".
Nice. I ate a jello shot out of a bovine blow up doll's love hole last night
Did you just buzz the apartment and throw shit at the window? Josh and rob came into my room and woke me up
Fuck you Ian. U owe me $3.65 cuz thasts what I thfrew at ur window trying to wake ur ass up. And fuck u for not giving a shit
Is your answer to that text seriously a right parenthesis
Just warning you now f you do not get intoxicated with me in front of the family on thanksgiving we are not related.
The problem with Wednesday evening drinking is that no gets to my level. It's like like a one man party. But it's a goood party.
I'm not sure New Orleans is real. Even the grocery stores sell vodka.
I just interrupted this girl giving a dude head in a parked car on the south side. Going down on your guy while you're parked in front of your house because you don't want your parents catching you is fine by me, just don't block the fire hydrant.
well i maturbated this morning, which means the best part of my day has already happened.
Goodnight Shia. Goodnight Moon.
Our office went out together for the first time to celebrate the fact our coworker got fired.
Randomize
