The chance that I have herpes may have made me find god
Everytime I think about NYE, my gag reflex kicks in.
dude literally just took me 4 trips to take out the recycling from last night. we need to have parties like this more often
Life lesson learned last night, if you are too drunk to use the atm leave the strip club
The US State Dept doesn't need to know I'm a high strung drunken whore.
Can we make a sex game out of monopoly somehow?
Hope you had your fill for the summer my friend, because all the cleavage has been put away for the winter. Fear not; it blooms again in May.
Oh god I just realized bird face had che Guevara tattooed on her upper arm. Deals off, readivised opinion
i threw up in his garden in front of like five people smoking a joint. they let me have a hit after i was done so it was okay
I spent a good part of the night in a bear hat claiming I'd changed spieces
How bout we save the 40s for when we FINISH the project this time..
Apparently I give handjobs in my sleep. So that's interesting.
This strip club is mediocre. Talent is fine. Fung shui is bad.
I swear to God if you start calling your dick “my pegasus” we’re not friends anymore
I think he may actually care that I call him slampiece instead of his real name. Who knew he had feelings?
Randomize
