Got a little crazy huh? Happy st pattys day. None of you have any idea where my credit card would be do you? How do i always lose
Britney fell asleep on the couch in the foier, got up stripped then pissed on the floor. Then got dressed and went to sleep in it. Also downstairs toilet clogged. Not me. I will be gone by the time you get home from work. Have fun.
Dude, I woke up in the kitchen, naked, with a blueberry bagel as a pillow.
Can I eat your pillow?
They threw a beer at you on stage and then you stopped the karaoke and cussed everyone in the bar out for 2 minutes
Sitting next to a retarded hot married man on the plane, I got 6.5 hrs to homewreck this shit.
She took a break from repeating "my face is still buzzing!" to say that the phantom of the opera could be here
I was dressed in monkey onesie serving people vodka jelly with a spoon...
Was there a Canadian at your party or did I dream that?
I think clothing becomes optional at the second date! But you seem like a rule breaker
I was so hungover at work I had my shirt on backwards. I had no idea how I managed to get through today puke free.
Put a Santa hat on my junk. He's wants to be festive too.
One of my pillows is missing but it's cool because there is a beef stick.
Well I've always wanted to get head while playing WoW...
K I'll do it, but mine is going to be WAY weirder. Your not allergic to shellfish, right?
I think we might need a safe word for this...
they told me that it was glow in the dark and would make me magical. I was too drunk to say no. I woke up to a purple vagina.
its like a neon Im stupid as fuck sign
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