Never fear I pulled out... she had "lies about taking birth control" written all over her
You can't special order awesome
I just spent the last hour spooning with my drug dealer.
Well It's time to grow up anyways, right? Now that you're graduated and have a job you can't drink uncontrollably
No. Now that I'm graduated I can drink uncontrollably at nicer bars
She told me she eats fruit when she's hungover because it has more water than water.
yep you were here saturday. if you woke up smelling like vanilla i can explain.
You raged at the rock climbing place for not selling beer and then just said "fuck it" and pulled out a flask.
Woke up with two different flip flops on sum burnt at the beach. Who are these French kids plz come back
My heart feels like a grape in a barrel about to be crushed into wine
Apparently I filled my purse with chicken nuggets and told my mom I was a "sexual squirrel."
I mean with a sentence like that I knew I would be cumming
Thanks. It's every girl's dream, right? To blow a bald marketing consultant 12 years her senior?
do you think there's enough of the fabric you gave me to make a crop top for a cat?
hey, just so we're clear, next time we go swimming drunk at my house, we have to use the floating chairs instead of my mattress. i'm not sure how to get it out of the pool.
All of a sudden he got that look on his face and ran to the dance floor and started fist pumping to Rihanna that kind of night
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