I justed realized that the word 'turd" is present in saturday
We were making out in the bushes when some dude comes and starts peeing beside us.
These pubs in Ireland act like hand jobs aren't the universal currency
Also there's a dick sized hole in my tights...should I be worried?
We are doing handstands and somersaults in the pool. With an inflatable beer pong table and our regular beer pong table. We're ponging by land and by sea
The night went downhill when he lit her purse on fire and tried putting it out with vodka
Hey sorry for being annoying last night, I just realized how many times I yelled "JORDAN!" during and after playing pong.
You don't know how emotionally damaged I am from crashing into that park maintenance van. I'll never ride a bike because of it.
Hooking up with him was lovely.. but waking up in his bed the next morning and finding double stuffed oreos... I mean.... I won
We're gonna be late. Scott went too far predrinking amd tried pierce his own lip with a poptab. Save me a beer, i'm gonna need it.
call me with an emergency in 5 min. This chick has a strap on hangin behind the bathroom door.
Dude. I don't even want cuddles. I just want an acknowledgement that I just had balls in my mouth.
I know I'm going to throw up tonight it's just a matter of when and where
So the girl I met at the bar last night came home with me. Played with my puppy. And left.
Today we memorialize my orgasms. Taken from me over six months ago, gone too soon. Here's to hoping we'll see one again
Randomize
