allegedly i woke up at 5am sat in the dishwasher and peed
Also thongs make me have to fart a lot.
I think my tv knows when im high and tells taco bell
I realized that I earned the name Classy cassie as i was throwing up vodka slushie in my bed with a guy I know by the name extacy boy
the first call I got in the morning was from visa fraud prevention so yeah it was one of those nights
You are the patron saint of my drinking problem.
I think they called the cops after 15 minutes of you shaking their clothes line like the ultimate warrior and calling out hulk hogan
Yep and i guess after he came back from that he sat down next to me and i just put my hand right on his penis just casually like it was his leg
He didn't have much of a personality. But I had like 100 orgasms, so that's cool.
A girl just invited me over for a blowjob and beer. Is this a trap?
Help. I am eating nachos. But I'm with some guy. I need help. I don't know where I am. The nachos were so good. I'll bring them but help me.
I love my cat. she doesnt judge when i stumble in my house drunk and pass out on my floor. my dog looks at me disappointed.
Bitch I slept on the ground 2 nights running
I look like a hot mess, emphasis on the hot now, more emphasis on the mess later
Whats spookier? Halloween or waking up to a drunk text from your ex telling you how awesome you are at 2am
Randomize
