Just woke up wearing a top hat and simpsons boxers. i also found more money in my wallet then what i had before going out, about $1000 more
how to cook rice: 1. put random amount of rice and water in a pot 2. have sex on the kitchen floor. when you are done having sex the rice is ready
How do you get a 7 on a pregnancy test?
i don't know at this point bringing the fog horn might be a good idea...
its like accelerated beer pong for children.....we train champions young
I'm really tired of your booty call eating my fruity pebbles.
THE BIG GAY MAD HATTER IS HERE AND HE HAS DRUGS IN HIS PANTS FOR YOU. COME DOWNSTAIRS BITCHEZZZZ
I'm drinking too much free beer
Thats like saying one owns too many kittens. It's not possible.
after further investigation i found out he's a little bit married..
There is not greater feeling than lying to your boss and leaving work to shit in the comfort of your own home
YOU ARE THE WORST TRAVEL AGENT! THIS IS A SINGLES CRUSE FOR SENIORS. THEY ALL THINK IM THE FUCKING WAITRESS JUST CAUSE IM BLACK!!!
Prerry sure I narrowly avoided being tazed by a swat cop last night... But on the up side, we found my purse.
No I kepy moaning and just called out a name to make them believe I was actually having sex instead of masturbating.
You’ll lick BBQ off my cock but no ketchup on a hotdog?
imagine the bill from school house rock beating the shit outta you
Randomize
