I called the bar to ask if they found my Id and credit card and they remembered me as 'the girl who signed her receipt in blood'
I think thats the most anyones ever pregamed for rollerskating
The only people who have said happy valentines day to me today have been 2 homeless people.
The girl with a dislocated arm just did an assisted keg stand. You will never have an excuse again.
theres 5 guys on the side of the road with beads and their shirts off screaming at cars already.
Does it count if I'm only ambidextrous while masturbating?
you better take a shot tonight for every cat you have ever seen and wanted. this is a lot of cats.
I wish you could be here to assess my herpes before he gets here.
The hot guy sitting next to me in the lib is reading a book called "Impersonal sex in public places." How wrong would it be to give him my number when I bounce?
We got back from the bar and started watching bizzare foods, which subsequently led to the consumption of large amounts of rancid lunch meat and small insects.
ok thanks goodnight
Also before you go to bed i just have to get it out there that i really like macklemore as a person
Seriously I'm dying. All my insides are fighting their way out of me. With light sabers and machetes.
Well, I told him that it's not all about him. Then I gave him the best blow-job in the history of blow-jobs.
Sex while Star Warsing is the best
woke up to two girls crawling on top of me forcefeeding me bacon. Best. Hangover. Ever.
Randomize
