Mid thrust he tells me that we have bio together
you would not believe what I got pierced last night...
son, I feel like that is a phrase a father never wants to hear.
I faked it too. I just spit on your bed.
Pissing in la rieve gfox. Jer zsyuis diu drunk but it felt amazunbg
Dans le librearie ivetre. Hjhaha
She drove all the way from Austin to have sex with me. I think it's a safe assumption my dick will have an easy life in college.
You told me to ditch them in the park, and when she jumped onto the car to stop us, you told me to scrape her off against a parked Jeep. That drunk.
My final act is to send you this message. I love you. Tell my family that I love them. Except my dad. Tell him I said "Eh..." while rocking your hand side to side. And tell Tim that I will always love the idea of him. Tell Caleb I love him so. Take care of Miss Kitty Fantastico. Tell the world that I will watch over. Good bye. I love you.
Realized we were outta oj used gerber graduates mixed fruit juice as a mixer. Mother of the Year award right here
make that a herd of moose. they will be my moose minions
Sent nudes to my best friend's boyfriend and mom last night. So I'm coping with that on top of my hangover this morning
He has an accent, blue cross AND gainful employment. Just saying, he's going to urgent care once I'm done with him
Oh, and let me go get some popcorn, watching you make your own decisions should be quite the shitshow.
Your first mistake was thinking that you could get through the day without drinking a single bottle of alcohol. Your second mistake was wearing shark boxers.
Oh god it's open bar.
Why do all my exes just become Tom Hanks in Castaway?
That's a fantastic question. And an odd set of criteria to meet if wanting to date you.
Randomize
