Be sure to let me know if your relationship crumbles so I can resume hitting on you
I'm twenty-five. I'm too old to be watching my friend throw up in Chipolte Parking lot.
Turns out he's not gay. He just didn't know how else to say he's not into me. He just hit on my sister.
woke up with 15 BAGS of hot dog buns in my passenger seat... jameson strikes again
at least he lost his v-card with a bang... or should i say the clap.
Alone. In an inflatable pool. Drinking vodka and raspberry lemonade. I don't need approval as much as I need to know you love me still.
I just found pie in my hoodie pocket... This break needs to end.
There was a note in my hello kitty underwear telling me "don't go over 9000"
Too drunk to talk to museum staff. So much for proper wednesdays
I will accept it in the form of tooth necklace but if you have better ideas I am open to suggestions.
Doing 9 month old dishes in my bath tub. These dishes literally had enough time to gestate a human child
Somehow she talked me into getting my dick pierced, weird first date.
it was cool until he whispered 'sounds like you need a good dicking' with a completely serious face and i just lost it
well ya only live once...
that cant be your answer for every horrible thing you do
Is it weird that I have your number saved in my phone as baby Jesus?
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