Hey you
You're the only one I'll text back during sex. what's up?
i'd rather walk the sahara in a snuggie with no water than take a bicycle cab
So his roomate was eating breakfast when I was sneaking out. He's the guy I took home from jessicas wedding. I ended up eating coco puffs with him
Just another sign I need to get out of this town
I have show me your genitals stuck in my head. Except in spanish. Muestrame tus genitals. Tus genitals.
Why do bread and butter chips remind me of eating out your mom?
Fuck the gym. I just shaved m'cooch and my pants now fit looser.... Dont judge me.
The drugs are starting to wear off. Suddenly aware there's a girl with bald patches and 2 guys that don't have a full set of teeth between them.
yeah, that's what i said too. right before i tackled that street sign.
Sooo just headbutted a stripper, meet you outside
He just tried to eat my hair and he keeps talking about pissing on everything, come home soon I beg of you
Apparently we carried the stove upstairs. I Woke up with it in my room.
I still maintain we were not that drunk......
Dude, Dimensionally it doesn't even fit in that stairway! We might have to knock a wall out to get it back down!
If I were better looking, this would be the point where I'd resign myself to stripping.
how soon in a friendship can you start calling them a motherfucker
yeah true but how easily can you rip a scrotum
omg last night while walking home from your house I stole a seatless bike and carried it into my next door neighbors kitchen.. we just looked It up online it's an antique and worth $500 dollars
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