i saw the 3rd guy i ever had sex with last night and kept calling him #3
Corey Haim died. 80's me is so sad
as nice as a boyfriend sounds, a relationship would require morals and self-restraint - both fields in which i lack.
momma always taught us never to change for a boy..
She looked like a pterodactyl.....but dude i love dinosaurs
Its the little things i like about bein home like having actual toilet paper instead of subway napkins
i can't believe you were mixing vodka with green tea last night and enjoying it.
i should bottle and sell it. my slogan could be "green tea vodka. antioxidating while intoxiacting. your liver will thank you. "
he busted in while i was showering looked at me and said "youve lost weight bro, no homo" and started puking into the sink
What the fuck am I going to do with a pinata full of tampons?
Do you have any idea how hard it is to hit on your nurse while getting an HIV test.
I swear she lies about being allergic to gluten so she'll get all the jack and not have to drink shitty beer like the rest of us
I built a fence. For the bunnies we're going to adopt. I'll fill you in when you get home.
thought a girl was checking me out today. took me like 5 minutes to realize it was a mannequin
I'll only sleep there if we can bone on your balcony.
There were 7 of us cowering in the kitchen because you were swinging a giant, pink double headed dildo around like a nunchuk and hitting anyone who came near you with it.
I tried sex in a car once. It was like trying to do yoga in a drainage pipe with your arms and legs tied while using a typewriter with your penis.
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