I got drunk and threw up on a kid at the amusement park. I think they're pressing charges.
I sat a few seats down and one row behind a cute girl at the Cubs game today. Having watched her talk to the guy next to her, I found out only her name and age. I then used that information and pieced it together with over 500 girls on Facebook with the same name. I found the same girl, and we're now fbook friends.
if being a creepy fuck was an olympic sport, they'd think you were using performance enhancing drugs...
She made me put my jeans under her mattress so that I wouldn't leave in the morning while she was still sleeping. Apparently I just look like "that guy".
if you wouldnt have been fucking me hard and crazy like that then my bed wouldn't have broke. you owe me 600.
so you admit it was good then??
Because you know it would be fucking amazing to get trashed and shatter the dreams of 12 year old girls. I might get a shirt.
My dad just asked Siri to "help me find my daughters dignity."
If you were my daughter, I'd do the same thing.
He told me he wants to eat me out all day while I lay in bed watching football. Seems like a solid foundation for a relationship to me.
I want to own their dicks and all the attachments
Just a heads up... Don't get high and attempt to do your own taxes
it's always good to have a friend that's a hairdresser, a massage therapist, maybe throw in a lawyer just in case, and always have a friend on food stamps
I went on an adventure and now we have more food.
Well, really we just have fire sauce and cookies. But they're edible.
Just wanted to say, I appreciate your bravery in having read receipts
I wonder how many people I can tell that he has one nut before he finds out it's me spreading it.
I got off F O U R times, just because he wanted to hear me moan. He is my hero.
You have a full penis tattoo of a cobra fighting a mongoose, don't you?
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