i just drank a strangers drink off a toilet
Y do pigs give u trufles on farmville? I WANT BACON YOU FUCKING PIG!
I googled Canada's legal age of consent. I have good news. It's 14. Justin Bieber here I come...
I just had to take a drug test for my new job. I should have asked them if they could tell me if I were pregnant or not while they were at it and save me the guesswork.
I'll just wear something slutty to the liquor store and hope for the best
that's your solution for everything
he has a knack for choosing the worst time to masturbate
was i strangled at any point last night? or was his dick just that long
We've reached the point in our fuck buddy relationship where we are playing words with friends. This is too intimate.
I think god invented us with two hands so we can grab an ass and spank it at the same time.
So I was bartending last night and this guy w/ his gf said that he recognized me, so I asked him, "do you watch a lot of gay porn?"
stop falling asleep in the bathtub. you are not a movie star, you cannot die that way.
I definitely fucked a Trump supporter last night but I wouldn't let him fully admit it because then I would've had to leave and his cock and abs were too perfect
Please don't fuck the professor. We both know that won't end well.
Whats spookier? Halloween or waking up to a drunk text from your ex telling you how awesome you are at 2am
I got there and she was on her balcony drinking out of a bottle of vodka and smoking a cigar.
Randomize
