didnt we say no more talking to eachother
it will help you get over me i promise
im horny
ok i will unlock the door
The party tonight has no theme but I decided to go as a home wrecker.
I'm fucking him on the second date. I don't give a fuck what Patti Stanger says.
I woke up while squatting on top of my bed peeing on my comforter and my laptop
I booked us a cruise for November. Lose 20 pounds and don't cheat on me before then.
just woke up on my balcony. who won the super bowl?
the laptop wouldn't balance on his lap. that's how well endowed he is.
Let's not fuck on an air mattress tonight...I'd rather get rug burn.
It's 6 am, I'm drunk, and celebrating the end of finals.Go ahead and ask me where I am...if you guessed a McDonald's playpen then you are correct. Badabababa I'm loving it
Y'all best leave this "I can only have a couple drinks" shit at the door. U don't drive to Yukon to have a shot. I'm getting u fuckers drunk.
Anywho, an ostrich attacked me today. Fucking useless pieces of shit birds.
Just reminding you that you are currently drunk spooning a chair saying it "loves you unconditionally". No more rum.
It's official. Those are now your come fuck me flipflops
last time we were there you stole a tap from the toilets. How are you confused that your bag is full of baubles you clearly can't stop collecting their furnishings
Just got a handjob in the hospital
A new low.
Randomize
