Fucking Canada. At least when they wake up tomorrow they're still in Canada
so apparently dipping a tampon in red gatorade and throwing it out the window on the highway is a $100 fine
He came up there while i was bartending, ate a salad, told me he wanted to divorce me, then tipped me 10 dollars....
we used a swiffer mop as a stripper pole.
I'm buying drugs in the library...And it's not even finals time. What has my life become?
As if right now I am a humanitarian. Full story to come in the morning. It involves sex.
note to self: shower sex when you have 7 stitches in your leg is never a good idea. never.
I wish my bank account would intervene on my life choices.. $200+ in alcohol in 2 weeks and a $40 McDonald's bill is a cry for help.
All three of my roommates have their significant others over. We're all hanging out in the living room. It's like I'm the trifecta of third-wheeling
Walking down the street, Bro bumping to 'still' by dre. Dropped his trash on the ground and aggressively sped up when his light turned green. If you still had love for the streets you wouldn't of fucking littered. Took everything for me not to yell at him. I know you would've.
Just an FYI i'm going to get drunk as shit while you are on duty and attempt to not fall into the bathtub again.
Rodger that.
One of the finest moments in my life was when I was puking in between my legs as I was shitting, and thought to myself "hmm this shall be called shomiting."
Of course I fucked him. He was wearing a rainbow cock sock and cowboy boots.
You told me you could hear my heartbeat through my penis but your methods were unethical.
Sixty five beats a minute. I stand by that.
He ate me out while I stood on his bed drinking a Rainier.
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