She described it as "a squirrel being hit by a hurricane"
Yo I'm texting you while getting a bj. I know, I'm the man. Told her I was texting my mom in the hospital.
i almost hope i AM knocked up so i can ruin the rest of his life
All I did this weekend was get my life in order. I feel like I wasted my time.
Yep. It's going to be us, strippers, and drag queens.
A glittery, gay, heavily makeuped, scantily dressed clusterfuck.
It is completely possible to eat beef jerky sexually.
I went to bed at ten on a Friday night I have virtues to spare
Speaking of mom and dad and Halloween... Mom bought a size small slutty nurse outfit last night. So yeah, they're getting hammered
Thanks for putting up with my drunk friend last night. Its all fun and games till someone pukes macaroni under your fridge.
Yes, bail money means jail. It also means lie to dad, do it now.
Gonna be late for work. Sex comes first. Priorities.
I fucked her on her ex's Yankee sheets while she was wearing an Ortiz jersey...of course she gets to meet my mother
She tied me to her bed using her honor chords. Thank god for graduation!
no its a draw, weve been through this, when were keeping score on getting laid i get a plus 1 handicap each week because of your British accent! its only fair!
Just realized I've spent more nights sleeping on bathroom floors the last two weeks than in my own bed. It's time to reevaluate my life.
Randomize
