Dude stop singing. Your life is not an episode of fucking glee
You burnt your salmon and tried to mail it. Post marked to: Starving Kid in Africa
I was. I was trying to blow bubbles in the toilet after I threw up in it. They had to carry me everywhere. I lost a sock.
my mom told me that she didn't count me in the census because im a waste of life anyway.
Gravity stopped and i'm discussing Greek philosophy with two guys I don't know. There's someone asleep on me. We need to use their dealer.
I believe I won the Golden Vodka Bottle of sadness last night for crying while being party boyed.
Well be careful man. Be careful. Wear shoes in the house. Safety. Safety first, then teamwork.
I've honestly never felt so much emotion towards a wall
There should be a rule.......that if you have a small penis you must wear a hat with propellers on it so you can fly the hell off the planet.
What we have is to special to throw away over a woman who spreads her butt cheeks on a pool table for me...
Lol no. She's home safe. You forget she is too pretty to get arrested.
I think the worst was the guy who sent me YouTube videos about how age doesn't matter, and then a link for natural breast enhancements. Kill me.
He described his sex dream about me using only emojis
He put a doughnut around his dick and I ate it. What can I say. It was a good fucking night.
Remember that time I came to London for 4 hours, got hammered, cried for an hour and then left.
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